The fiends know how to work the crowd. Distracted by stilt-walking goths, or looking up at the snow (is it nuclear winter?) falling around them, startled guests invariably scream when a scar-faced crazy jumps out of his hiding place and confronts them. There's only one way to get past the ankle-deep toxic goo spewing from the radioactive vats in the center of the street: straight ahead and right by the chainsaw-wielding nutsos guarding the vats. The scaremeisters in the Toon Lagoon area of the park are perhaps the weirdest of all. Dressed completely in black and white, they disappear against black and white barriers lining the land's streets--until you walk near them and they magically appear to reduce you to a whimpering fool.
Speaking of whimpering fools, the guests that voluntarily subject themselves to the depravities of "InfestStation" defy all reason. Loosely based on the inane TV program, "Fear Factor," volunteers have a box placed over their head while the show's assistants drop snakes, rats, scorpions, or other creepy crawlies into the box. Supervising this bizarre show is "The Director," the host of HHN 13. The pasty-faced emcee spins a wheel to determine what vermin gets dropped into the box. He also takes great delight in verbally tormenting both the boxed-in victims and the audience.
EnGROSSing fun
The Director is the star of the "All Nite DrIvE-IN Theatre," one of HHN's six haunted houses. Upon entering the house, guests see the Director on a giant screen editing one of his splatter-fests. Aparently, he's a demented auteur of slasher flicks who may be dabbling in reality filmmaking, if you catch my drift. The hauntees walk right through the screen and into a series of elaborate sets from classic horror films like "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre." Guests hang onto each other for dear life while masked Freddies, Jasons, and their ilk prowl around every nook and their bloody victims beg for mercy.The haunted houses, a couple of which are set up in Universal's massive soundstages, are surprisingly large and can take a good twenty minutes to navigate. Other houses include "Scream House Revisited," a sprawling, decaying mansion with a sordid past, and "Psychoscareapy," which depicts an insane asylum where the patients run amok.
Helping to fuel HHN's insane party atmosphere, Universal keeps the alcohol flowing. Every few feet it seems, there are vendors selling Jell-O shots, assorted beers, and glowing neon martinis. Most of Islands of Adventure's regular attractions are open during the event, including lights-out rides on the launched Hulk Coaster and Dr. Doom's Fearfall tower ride. It's quite a sight to see slightly sloshed twenty-somethings go for a spin on The Cat in the Hat dark ride.
The buzzed crowd ensures the frat-party ambiance of "Bill and Ted's Excellent Halloween Adventure," an over-the-top, gonzo Broadway musical featuring the dudes from the popular movie. An annual HHN highlight, this year's show lampoons Johnny Depp's pirate of the Caribbean, Snoop Dogg, Saddam Hussein, Charlie's Angels, and other folks percolating in the cultural zeitgeist. At one point, Saddam and Osama Bin Laden get into the groove and become dancing fools. That's scary enough to make you run for the exits-- if you can get past the flowing toxic goo and the chainsaw-wielding zombies.
