In the early days of Disneyland and Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom, the theme parks used an alphabet-coded ticketing system instead of today's pay-one-price policy. An "E-Ticket" was the most coveted because it allowed entry into the parks' very best attractions. I'm coining the term "Z-Tickets" to highlight what I think are among the worst that theme parks have to offer. Not individual attractions per se. Think of Z-Tickets as the citations that fans like you would write if you could issue a citizen's arrest to theme park, water park, and amusement park officials.
Is something bugging you? Driving you crazy? Are you mad as hell and not going to take it anymore? Well, put on your dark shades, sidle up to the Guest Relations window at the offending theme park, ask the rep for his license and registration, and get out your sharpest pencil. It's time to give 'em a Z-Ticket. Here are my top ten Z-Ticket rants (in no particular order):
1. Food
Most parks offer the same old bland junk. For shame! There is a rich and grand tradition of delicious treats at classic amusement parks. I'm not talking about gourmet cuisine (although the Disney and Universal parks prove that it is possible). Think of Nathan's hot dogs at
Coney Island, frozen custard at the boardwalk piers, or the fresh-cut Potato Patch fries at Kennywood and
Lake Compounce. The food is almost as much of a reason to visit the parks as the coasters. It's an indelible part of the amusement park experience. Today, parks get a frozen slab of chemically enhanced dough, tasteless tomato sauce, and cheese that is indistinguishable from the wax paper on which it is served. Then they warm it up and have the nerve to call it pizza--and the audacity to charge up to $6.49 a slice for it (Yeah, I'm talking about you, Six Flags Great Adventure). Even worse, they forbid us to bring food into their parks (and rifle through our bags in the name of security to make sure we don't), so they hold us hostage with their overpriced, gastrointestinal excuses for dining. Far too many parks seem to consider food an afterthought. And that leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
2. Parking Fees
On top of the $40 or so per person we pay to get into a park, we have to keep reaching for our wallets to pay for food (see above), games, t-shirts, and other doodads. These days, however, the bloodletting starts before we even get out of the car. When parks charged a couple of bucks for the privilege of parking at their lots so that we could go to their parks and spend more of our money, it was a minor annoyance. With places like
Six Flags Over New England now squeezing us for $15 JUST TO PARK THE CAR, I'm getting ticked off before I even get in the gate--and that's not a good way to set the tone for a fun-filled day at a park.
3. Water Tube Up-charges
Amusement parks typically charge extra fees to ride their Skycoaster bungee swings and other daredevil contraptions. But they're usually upfront about the additional costs. When water parks charge extra for inner tubes to ride a lazy river or other attraction however, that's just wrong. If a water park features a ride like its lazy river in its brochures and other advertising, but then makes guests pay a tube rental fee just to use the ride, that smacks of deception. It's certainly not generating any goodwill among customers either.
More Z-Tickets: Dueling Discounts and Other Rants!
| 