Whose Line Is it Anyway?

Oh, the irony. You spend all week toiling away in your boring job, and then reward yourself with a trip to the amusement park on the weekend...only to spend most of the time bored out of your gourd shuffling along in interminable lines. The two minutes of roller coaster rapture that thrill ride fans crave is inevitably preceded by (at least) 52 minutes of queue purgatory. Lines may be our bane, but park operators take them quite seriously. According to the Las Vegas Review-Journal, there is a branch of mathematics called queuing theory that parks, as well as airports, banks, and other venues in which customers need to form lines, use to make the waiting game as painless and efficient as possible--at least that's the theory. The rat mazes that snake patrons tantalizingly close to the head of the line even though they still have a 45-minute wait, the overhead video monitors, the pre-shows, the signs that indicate the anticipated wait time: These are all strategies to engage and distract us from the mind-numbing lines we endure. Disney developed the Fastpass virtual line system to give guests a pass on some of its lines. Six Flags followed suit with its FastLane program. The best way to deal with theme park lines, however, is to eliminate them altogether. Those staying on-property at Universal Orlando's hotels can do just that. With its No Line, No Wait program, guests flash their room keycards to ride attendants, use the special "Universal Express" entrance, and sashay to the front of the line. Sweet!